1 00:00:53,870 --> 00:00:56,830 Love you like you want me to. 2 00:00:58,590 --> 00:01:05,069 I can be so good for you. 3 00:01:06,750 --> 00:01:09,190 Love you like you want me to. 4 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:24,420 We should have put the lights on first. 5 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:25,779 Yeah, I know. 6 00:01:25,780 --> 00:01:27,960 That was down to his nibs. He promised, didn't he? 7 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,300 He's got a busy week, hasn't he? 8 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,380 Taking her indoors and the kids down to the airport. 9 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:36,420 We're trying to knock out four cases of Dunhill aftershave down the market. That 10 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:37,420 shouldn't be too hard. 11 00:01:37,660 --> 00:01:38,760 Yeah, but this is like the fluid. 12 00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:41,000 Splash this all over, you end up a human torch. 13 00:01:41,740 --> 00:01:43,980 Ain't going to be on his tod for Christmas, is he? No. 14 00:01:44,380 --> 00:01:46,120 He will be up to all sorts of things. 15 00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:48,440 Like running away from geezers with scorched chins. 16 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,180 Well, he'd be in a mood for a party. 17 00:01:51,770 --> 00:01:52,770 When's his club? 18 00:01:54,470 --> 00:01:55,530 Hello, Mrs Daly. 19 00:01:56,690 --> 00:02:00,290 No, no, he's not here at the moment, but we are expecting him any minute now. 20 00:02:01,170 --> 00:02:02,170 Oh. 21 00:02:03,170 --> 00:02:05,450 Yes, of course, of course, I'll tell him. 22 00:02:06,170 --> 00:02:09,090 Yes, right, yes, and... Merry Christmas. 23 00:02:09,509 --> 00:02:10,509 Yeah, bye. 24 00:02:12,830 --> 00:02:13,910 Is that her from the airport? 25 00:02:14,330 --> 00:02:16,830 Yeah, and she didn't sound at all happy. 26 00:02:18,570 --> 00:02:19,570 Who's this? 27 00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:23,160 President? But, gosh, Harry, he's barred, isn't he? Well, he's been barred 28 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,440 many times, I can't remember if he's a member or not. 29 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,960 He's got a prezzie. Oh, well, that'll be a necktie. 30 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:29,640 So he can strangle himself. 31 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:31,760 Hey, 32 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,900 do you know what I could do with all that money? 33 00:02:36,340 --> 00:02:39,360 I could get myself an oil rig. 34 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:41,720 You'd be better off with a distillery. 35 00:02:42,740 --> 00:02:44,760 Listen, don't come at you. 36 00:02:46,420 --> 00:02:48,200 Caught me a hard case. 37 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,400 What do I need you for? 38 00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:55,540 I mean, you think I can't do the bizzle myself? 39 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,960 Don't you worry about that, Jimmy. 40 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,140 I can do the bizzle myself. 41 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,980 I've got a not guilty for manslaughter. 42 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:11,640 You probably never did it. 43 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:13,100 Aye. 44 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,700 But how will they know that? 45 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,490 Harry's... Brand new. 46 00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:23,550 And don't you forget it. 47 00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:28,130 You know, this is the third car we've had from the security wing of the 48 00:03:28,470 --> 00:03:31,010 And we've had about half a dozen from the Ford Open Prison. 49 00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:33,130 And all very nicely written as well. 50 00:03:34,870 --> 00:03:35,890 Shall I go? Yeah. 51 00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:38,150 I suppose it's the dustman again. 52 00:03:38,830 --> 00:03:40,670 I gave the milkman a tenner this morning. 53 00:03:41,270 --> 00:03:42,990 Then I realised we don't even have milk. 54 00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:46,850 It's not the dustman. It's the scavenger. Oh, yeah. Don't be rude. 55 00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:48,990 Oh, talk about recession. 56 00:03:49,590 --> 00:03:50,930 Everybody's fleeing to foreign parts. 57 00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:52,289 The airport. 58 00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:53,950 They're either going skiing or to Caribbean. 59 00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:55,650 Where do they get the dough, eh? 60 00:03:56,050 --> 00:03:58,530 We're waiting for a light. Well, the lights are here. 61 00:03:59,470 --> 00:04:00,470 Here you are. 62 00:04:01,010 --> 00:04:02,290 Oh, dear. They're small enough. 63 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,670 Well, it's only for a tree, isn't it? You're not going to illuminate Oxford 64 00:04:04,670 --> 00:04:06,450 Street. Your wife's been on the dog. 65 00:04:06,670 --> 00:04:08,930 Ah, there you are. You see, I've only been gone ten minutes and she's thinking 66 00:04:08,930 --> 00:04:09,668 of me already. 67 00:04:09,670 --> 00:04:11,910 Yeah, well, she did seem a bit agitated. Well, wouldn't you? 68 00:04:12,230 --> 00:04:14,530 Two kids, long flight to Florida, going to see your sister. 69 00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:16,529 Well, didn't you fancy it? 70 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,040 That's the husband. He's got a padlock on his dustbin. 71 00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,160 He came over here about three years ago. 72 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,880 At the nip all the time. I never stopped picking up bills. Talk about deep 73 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,660 pockets. He wouldn't even buy a packet of pork scratchings. Yeah, I'll remember 74 00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:28,920 it. He got money out of you. 75 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:33,660 I am known for my generosity, Dave. Arthur, your generosity is legendary. 76 00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:40,460 How about a 1977 Lotus Eclat? 77 00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:41,880 Never raced or rallied. 78 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:43,540 One careful owner. 79 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:49,240 genuine 21 ,000 miles on the clock, good music, thoughtlessly maintained, 80 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,680 genuine reason to travel. 81 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,540 Oh, as it happens, I may be able to help. 82 00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:01,380 Cash. Banks are still open. 83 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:06,420 Now, you see, the trouble with it is it's a specialist motor. 84 00:05:06,660 --> 00:05:10,260 I mean, price -wise, they just fall out of bed. Forget it. I'll go to a dealer. 85 00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:11,560 What do you want a dealer for? 86 00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:12,820 I've got the book. 87 00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:15,190 Lotus Eclat. 88 00:05:15,590 --> 00:05:16,590 S registration. 89 00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:19,070 S. What are you asking? 90 00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:20,289 Seven grand. 91 00:05:20,290 --> 00:05:24,970 Seven? You're joking. It's under five in the book. Show me. Where? The book is 92 00:05:24,970 --> 00:05:27,050 confidential. For the trade only. 93 00:05:27,470 --> 00:05:28,870 I can't flash the book around. 94 00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:31,490 I get this from a very special contact. 95 00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:33,910 I should say four and a half. 96 00:05:35,490 --> 00:05:36,490 Hey. 97 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,410 You've had a smash there. 98 00:05:38,690 --> 00:05:39,690 Oh, I'm sorry. 99 00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:41,890 That's where we edit it the night I was done over. 100 00:05:42,110 --> 00:05:43,110 Ah, it's still a flaw. 101 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:46,320 You say five? 102 00:05:46,340 --> 00:05:47,860 Yeah, I'm being a fool to myself. 103 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,020 I'll take your five, but there's one condition. 104 00:05:52,340 --> 00:05:53,340 Yeah? 105 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:58,460 I come back to you before midday tomorrow and I give you five, two, and 106 00:05:58,460 --> 00:06:00,900 motor is mine again. Yeah, what sort of a deal is that? 107 00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:04,660 It's a deal, that's what. Oh, don't come back tomorrow, you've got yourself a 108 00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:08,060 motor. I do come back, you've earned yourself 200 quid just for parking it 109 00:06:08,060 --> 00:06:09,060 overnight. 110 00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:10,099 Midday tomorrow? 111 00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:11,100 Yeah. 112 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:12,640 Registration book. 113 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,000 Peace. 114 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,280 Maurice, you got yourself a steak. 115 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,640 The thing is, Arthur, you said you'd get me a nice, clean four -year -old Capri. 116 00:06:36,820 --> 00:06:40,300 Yeah, I will, Dave, I will, but, I mean, a Lotus Eclat. I thought it was a 117 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,860 personal friend. You like first refusal. 118 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:44,360 See, with a motor like this, you get a bit of respect. 119 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:45,800 Yeah. 120 00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:47,820 I've heard they just fall out of bed, price -wise. 121 00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:49,580 You've heard what? 122 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:51,940 Specialist motor like this? 123 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:56,420 Look, if you're talking about inflation, a set of wheels like this is an 124 00:06:56,420 --> 00:06:59,280 investment. In two years' time, you'll be making money. 125 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,200 I mean, the stereo's better than the one you got in the club. 126 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:03,860 Yeah, that Flash Morris. 127 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,660 You imagine how he must have kind him. 128 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,120 Morris? It's nothing to do with Morris. 129 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:09,460 It's a second car. 130 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:10,880 Bought it for his missus. 131 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:12,300 What does she use it for? 132 00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:14,120 Endant ladders and back again. 133 00:07:14,580 --> 00:07:15,580 I'm not kidding, Dave. 134 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,080 Seven and a half in the book. 135 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:21,120 To you, six, nine, ninety. And I won't even be getting a drink out of it. Six 136 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,900 how much? Well, forget the odd ninety. We won't say nothing about delivery 137 00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:25,780 charges. Forget the delivery, Arthur. 138 00:07:26,020 --> 00:07:27,320 It's out of my league, honest. 139 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,780 Oh, dear. Try to do a favour. 140 00:07:33,510 --> 00:07:35,710 Look, have you thought of consulting the missus? 141 00:07:36,010 --> 00:07:37,670 They love a motor like this. 142 00:07:38,230 --> 00:07:39,450 She wants a caravan. 143 00:07:42,050 --> 00:07:45,770 Ah, well, funny then, I might be able to help you. Look, I've got a friend who's 144 00:07:45,770 --> 00:07:48,130 got a clean dormobile, P registration. 145 00:07:48,950 --> 00:07:50,990 He's had a stroke, so it's not even run in. 146 00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:53,670 Keep looking for a nice, clean, four -year -old Capriano. 147 00:07:54,590 --> 00:07:57,770 Hey, you sure these are the right voltage? 148 00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,010 Of course they are. 149 00:07:59,030 --> 00:08:00,030 They're no complaints. 150 00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:01,950 Hospitals, restaurants, interputing. 151 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:03,320 That's your power station? 152 00:08:03,380 --> 00:08:04,700 It's all in total darkness, Dad. 153 00:08:05,620 --> 00:08:07,940 Here, it's got to be her. Hey, I saw old Charlie Montague. 154 00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:12,080 He got mugged by four carousings outside Stamford Bridge. And no visible 155 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,080 injuries? No, no, no. 156 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:14,460 Hello? 157 00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:18,300 This is... No, no, no. 158 00:08:20,140 --> 00:08:23,940 No, no, no. You've got it wrong, my dear. 159 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,000 Why are you so worried about old Charlie? 160 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,360 He's only the treasurer of the Cresswood Club. 161 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:29,880 He's supposed to pay out tonight. 162 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:31,520 Happens every year, doesn't it? 163 00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:32,659 Yeah, I know. 164 00:08:32,659 --> 00:08:34,220 It's the environment in this place. 165 00:08:35,059 --> 00:08:36,059 Villainy is everywhere. 166 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:37,880 Cyril. 167 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:39,799 I'm going to kill little Cyril. 168 00:08:40,299 --> 00:08:41,299 What? What's wrong? 169 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:42,500 They won't let her on the plane. 170 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,039 He's given her the wrong tickets. 171 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:48,200 I want him damaged. And any kith and kin you can lay your hands on. 172 00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:52,440 Oh, for it's Christmas, the season of goodwill. He better make it, Will. I 173 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:53,379 his head. 174 00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:54,860 Bring me the head of little Cyril. 175 00:08:55,420 --> 00:08:57,420 And by the way, them fairy lights are nine pounds. 176 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,020 Merry Christmas to you. 177 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,480 Yeah, the plug's 99p. 178 00:09:01,910 --> 00:09:04,610 Don't worry about me. I've been in worse problems than this. 179 00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:07,730 Oh, God. 180 00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:11,870 This is ridiculous. 181 00:09:12,370 --> 00:09:13,670 It's got to be around here somewhere. 182 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:37,360 All right, it's all yours, Terry. 183 00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:39,740 No, Arthur. 184 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:47,260 This country air's playing me up, Terry. I'm not feeling all that. I am not 185 00:09:47,260 --> 00:09:48,340 going to do it alone. 186 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:52,880 All right. 187 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:55,640 Come on. 188 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,380 You should have come back a bit more. 189 00:10:16,660 --> 00:10:20,460 What for? I want a gap there just in case I have to get out on the hurry up. 190 00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:21,460 not big enough for a ball. 191 00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:23,820 It's just a precaution. Yeah, I know. Look. 192 00:10:25,180 --> 00:10:25,939 You've got it. 193 00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:27,020 Yeah, I've got it. You've got it. 194 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,980 It's a bit big, isn't it? 195 00:10:34,790 --> 00:10:35,910 How strange he seems. 196 00:10:36,230 --> 00:10:37,230 Like the dog. 197 00:10:37,390 --> 00:10:38,390 Like the pet. 198 00:10:38,410 --> 00:10:40,150 No, no, but it's just because he might get nervous. 199 00:10:40,870 --> 00:10:43,410 Yeah, well, that'll make for him. What are you doing? 200 00:10:44,830 --> 00:10:45,950 Come on, Terry. 201 00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:53,490 Get away. 202 00:10:53,790 --> 00:10:54,790 What? Hey. 203 00:11:01,650 --> 00:11:02,650 What's his name? 204 00:11:11,210 --> 00:11:12,210 Hello, Ferdy, then. 205 00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:15,190 Hello, Ferdy. That's Spanish, innit? I don't know. Go on. 206 00:11:15,470 --> 00:11:16,470 Toro, Ferdy. 207 00:11:16,970 --> 00:11:17,970 Hello, mate. 208 00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:20,810 Hello. Arthur! 209 00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:26,050 Supposed to be lucky, innit? 210 00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:31,210 Hello, mate. 211 00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:32,750 Bit of breakfast? 212 00:11:34,190 --> 00:11:35,190 Hello. 213 00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:36,990 You're a big boy, ain't you? 214 00:11:37,790 --> 00:11:38,790 Yeah. 215 00:11:39,190 --> 00:11:40,190 Who's a pretty boy, then? 216 00:11:41,390 --> 00:11:42,390 Look. Nice, eh? 217 00:11:42,610 --> 00:11:43,610 Hello. Yeah. 218 00:11:43,990 --> 00:11:44,990 Look, nice. 219 00:11:45,470 --> 00:11:46,470 Who's a pretty bully? 220 00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:49,950 You're not a bully, really, are you? Come here. Let's have a push that round 221 00:11:49,950 --> 00:11:50,869 your nose. 222 00:11:50,870 --> 00:11:51,870 Hold on. 223 00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:52,950 Come here. 224 00:11:53,390 --> 00:11:54,369 Come here. Whooshes. 225 00:11:54,370 --> 00:11:55,370 Whooshes. 226 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,090 Go. Go. 227 00:11:57,370 --> 00:11:58,309 Go. Go. 228 00:11:58,310 --> 00:11:59,310 Go. Go. 229 00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:01,310 Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. 230 00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:12,790 He's a good boy. 231 00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:15,910 Look, it's all right, isn't it? Gets a bit up your nose, but that's all right. 232 00:12:15,930 --> 00:12:16,990 Come on, son. 233 00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:19,010 Look, look at that. It's everywhere. 234 00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,530 You wouldn't be giving me any bullshit, would you? 235 00:12:23,650 --> 00:12:24,650 Come on, son. Well, 236 00:12:26,770 --> 00:12:29,010 if he does come back, would you tell him somebody's going to hang him? 237 00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:32,730 Who are you phoning now? 238 00:12:33,830 --> 00:12:34,830 I don't know. 239 00:12:35,230 --> 00:12:36,230 Ready? 240 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,200 Twinkle, bleak and twinkle. That's nine pounds you just lost, aren't it? 241 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,060 Absolutely. No, no, no, no, no. It's just a broken circuit. 242 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,800 You have to check each individual little bulb. 243 00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:49,040 It's a very delicate operation. 244 00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:52,960 You're selling them. You demonstrate this miracle of science. 245 00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:55,360 Oh, dear, oh, dear. 246 00:12:56,020 --> 00:12:59,000 It's perfectly straightforward. Look, you've just got to make sure they're 247 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,460 and tight in their sockets. 248 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:01,800 Like that. 249 00:13:02,940 --> 00:13:05,180 There you are. See, look, that one... You idiot! 250 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,240 You left your power on! 251 00:13:08,730 --> 00:13:09,750 Get a little shocked, did we? 252 00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:17,850 Yeah? 253 00:13:22,910 --> 00:13:23,910 Me. 254 00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:30,150 What time is it? Order to fight. 255 00:13:31,370 --> 00:13:33,710 Are you living this shambles? 256 00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:36,910 What are you doing? 257 00:13:37,990 --> 00:13:39,530 It's an early start or a late finish. 258 00:13:39,790 --> 00:13:40,790 Early indoors. 259 00:13:41,170 --> 00:13:42,170 Locked me out, didn't she? 260 00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:45,070 Thought you had her in train. 261 00:13:46,170 --> 00:13:50,110 Yeah. I was giving Cher on a bell from home. She was here holding on the 262 00:13:50,110 --> 00:13:51,110 extension. 263 00:13:51,350 --> 00:13:52,390 Yeah, I saw the film. 264 00:13:53,330 --> 00:13:55,610 Oi! Thought I'd get a cup of tea or something. 265 00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:57,790 She brought your own tea bag. 266 00:13:59,530 --> 00:14:00,850 You got a duvet or something? 267 00:14:01,910 --> 00:14:05,870 Er... Yeah, there's a tartan travel rug on one of those covers. 268 00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:10,250 This is a carsey, you know that? 269 00:14:10,510 --> 00:14:11,770 A carsey's through there. 270 00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:13,950 Simon come about them jeans? 271 00:14:16,010 --> 00:14:20,410 Did Simon come about them jeans? Yeah, Simon did come about those bloody jeans. 272 00:14:21,030 --> 00:14:26,130 He said they're all made in Albania and Levi's is spelt with an I and not a Y. 273 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,650 Oh, I love the garters. 274 00:14:30,590 --> 00:14:32,630 What's everyone got against Albania? 275 00:14:33,430 --> 00:14:35,370 They were on our side during the war. 276 00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:40,330 You've got stuff all over it. 277 00:14:40,670 --> 00:14:41,930 It's probably wheat germ. 278 00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:44,070 Every bloody germ by the look of it. 279 00:14:45,330 --> 00:14:47,090 I might get a flat with that, Sharon. 280 00:14:48,690 --> 00:14:50,370 Arthur, you're aptly married man. 281 00:14:51,110 --> 00:14:53,730 Yeah, she got her cards tonight. I told her. 282 00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:55,890 I thought you said she locked the door on you. 283 00:14:56,110 --> 00:14:57,270 I shouted through the letterbox. 284 00:14:59,110 --> 00:15:02,270 Oh, this cushion could do with a visit to Skechley's and all. 285 00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:13,270 Oi! What? 286 00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:14,470 Wait till you call it a wait. 287 00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:16,129 What for? 288 00:15:16,130 --> 00:15:17,910 Got to take the kids to school, haven't I? 289 00:15:18,390 --> 00:15:19,390 Yeah, I forgot. 290 00:15:20,130 --> 00:15:21,130 What? 291 00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:23,090 Well, they don't arrive in a daimler. 292 00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:24,630 Get expelled, don't they? 293 00:15:24,910 --> 00:15:26,890 Oh, shut up, Terry. I'm trying to get to sleep. 294 00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:32,530 Thank you. 295 00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:34,750 Off you go, boys. 296 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,520 at last. 297 00:16:11,690 --> 00:16:14,930 I think I'd just like to go to the... Little boys' room? Second on the left, 298 00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:15,970 upstairs. Sir. 299 00:16:27,470 --> 00:16:29,290 Second on the left, yes. 300 00:16:50,060 --> 00:16:51,300 How am I cold now? 301 00:16:58,980 --> 00:16:59,980 Arthur? 302 00:17:22,410 --> 00:17:25,089 I do believe you're hiding from me, you naughty boy. 303 00:17:25,930 --> 00:17:28,290 I'm coming to find you, Arthur. 304 00:17:29,190 --> 00:17:30,190 Arthur? 305 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:32,250 Be careful, Terry. 306 00:17:36,950 --> 00:17:38,250 Oh! Terry! 307 00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:44,410 I don't suppose we've got a first aid box in this establishment, have we? 308 00:17:44,410 --> 00:17:45,410 of course I have. What for? 309 00:17:45,570 --> 00:17:48,830 What for? My whole nervous system has just been bombarded by electricity. 310 00:17:49,450 --> 00:17:52,250 250 volts gone right up my arm. I could have been killed. 311 00:17:52,470 --> 00:17:54,890 I've got a bandage. I've got some carbolic soap. 312 00:17:55,210 --> 00:17:56,270 I've got some aspirin. 313 00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,570 Some Bob Marley tablets. 314 00:17:59,230 --> 00:18:01,910 You haven't got mains, you know, have you? Oh, give me a large VAT. 315 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,470 Have a look. 316 00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:24,540 Well, no, I'm sure he'll be back in a few minutes, Mrs. Daly. 317 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,140 Well, he's gone to see the man who sold him the tickets, you see. 318 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:31,680 No, he'll sort it out. 319 00:18:32,140 --> 00:18:33,920 Listen, why don't you phone back in ten minutes, eh? 320 00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:36,100 Yeah. 321 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,880 No, I'll tell him, yeah. Of course I will. 322 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:39,640 Yeah, stand by. 323 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,300 All right, Mrs. Daly. Bye -bye. 324 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,500 Yeah, these bucket shots, they don't give a damn. Yeah, Cyril isn't a bucket 325 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,500 shop. He handles all the football teams. I mean, you remember when Chelsea were 326 00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,140 in Europe. Well, you were the one that was good at history. 327 00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:52,690 Yeah, did you get a special deal? Of course I did. I got him some spares for 328 00:18:52,690 --> 00:18:54,890 BMW. I thought he was one of our own. 329 00:18:55,130 --> 00:18:56,350 That's your first mistake, wasn't it? 330 00:18:56,990 --> 00:18:58,070 Damn by a ticket. 331 00:18:58,990 --> 00:18:59,990 Perfectly ordinary ticket. 332 00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:02,070 Get off. You were trying to save a few, Bob. 333 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,130 Save a few, Bob? A few hundred. 334 00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:07,530 Listen, with those tickets, she could be hanging around the airport for weeks. 335 00:19:07,830 --> 00:19:08,950 Well, she's got a nice warm coat. 336 00:19:09,290 --> 00:19:12,410 Oh, by the way, Dave, your good lady all right for a winter coat? I've got 337 00:19:12,410 --> 00:19:13,369 another one in the boot. 338 00:19:13,370 --> 00:19:16,270 Oh, no, thanks, Arthur. She's still got a rash from that blow she brought from 339 00:19:16,270 --> 00:19:17,270 you last summer. 340 00:19:17,530 --> 00:19:19,350 The kids are very annoyed and all. 341 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,640 Oh, my God, no, don't say it. Not tears. 342 00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:25,660 Kids are so unforgiving. 343 00:19:30,220 --> 00:19:31,940 Do you know if your mum's got enough reddies? 344 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:33,520 Reddies? 345 00:19:34,060 --> 00:19:35,180 Has she got enough money? 346 00:19:36,380 --> 00:19:39,020 Don't think she's marched bears up to London with it. 347 00:19:39,740 --> 00:19:40,740 Don't you mean down? 348 00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:42,520 No, we always say up. 349 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,580 Up? Well, it don't really matter, does it? 350 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:46,920 I suppose not. 351 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,540 You got any other relations in Warrington? 352 00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:55,460 The Romney gran, she died about two years ago. 353 00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:10,460 You're not really my own player. 354 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,640 What makes you say that? 355 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,700 Well, me mam's never mentioned you until I was coming up here on train. 356 00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:24,430 Well, no, I mean, I'm not a blood relation, but your mum and me, we were, 357 00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:26,910 very good friends a long time ago. 358 00:20:27,290 --> 00:20:28,650 That before they were born? 359 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,730 Yeah. 360 00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:33,750 Yeah, that was before you were born. 361 00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:46,450 Oh, what can I do, eh? 362 00:20:46,940 --> 00:20:50,180 Why don't you shoot down the airport with a thermos flask and hold her hand? 363 00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:54,380 Cheers. Get a cup of tea down there. She's got plenty of traveller's checks. 364 00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:57,000 You didn't get them off of Bernie, did you? Yeah. 365 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,840 You know he's on bail for nicking traveller's checks from Thomas Cook. 366 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:02,520 Very respectable firm. 367 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,660 Look, just because he was misled doesn't mean to say he's guilty. 368 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,220 We still have an equitable legal system in this country. 369 00:21:08,460 --> 00:21:09,740 Twelve good men and true. 370 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:14,380 Yeah. I heard he was done a few years ago for nobbling the jury. 371 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:17,200 Anyway. You'll probably be here tonight. 372 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:20,600 No, thank you. I've had enough of your members of the Alternative Society. 373 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,200 Yeah, well, it's all right for you, isn't it? You can go home. 374 00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:24,680 I am a captive audience. 375 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,280 I am trapped here behind a bar. 376 00:21:26,780 --> 00:21:29,920 I shall have Big John bending my ear about last week's bank robbery. 377 00:21:30,180 --> 00:21:32,900 I shall have Shotgun Simon plotting next week's bank robbery. 378 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,280 It ain't like a proper club. 379 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,560 They don't talk about their gardens or their fishing. 380 00:21:39,580 --> 00:21:41,000 Well, come on, where do we want to go? 381 00:21:41,780 --> 00:21:44,060 Hampstead. Highs Point in London. 382 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:45,520 Oh, dear old London. 383 00:21:45,980 --> 00:21:47,400 He was always a romantic, Ernie. 384 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:49,000 Was I? 385 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:50,840 What did you miss most, Ernie? 386 00:21:51,220 --> 00:21:54,140 I mean, being away, you missed, well, you missed miniskirts. 387 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,920 Oh, and a fellow went to the moon, but there was nothing there. 388 00:21:57,580 --> 00:22:00,140 Then there was the music. Well, no, you couldn't call that stuff music. You 389 00:22:00,140 --> 00:22:01,140 wouldn't have liked that. 390 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:02,620 Oh, little Cliffy Richards is still around. 391 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:03,840 Still a bachelor boy. 392 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,240 Then there was a three -day week, digital clocks, Muhammad Ali. 393 00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:10,360 Oh, and I believe there's something called VAT, but you don't want to worry 394 00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:11,360 yourself about that. 395 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,800 All in all, that was the 60s and 70s for you. 396 00:22:15,370 --> 00:22:17,210 I've seen the newspapers, you know. 397 00:22:17,890 --> 00:22:19,550 Oh, I'm only marking your card, Ernie. 398 00:22:19,970 --> 00:22:21,810 I mean, Chelsea were up and down like a yo -yo. 399 00:22:22,290 --> 00:22:24,570 Arthur, he's been to the scrubs, not Bleeding Devil's Island. 400 00:22:25,070 --> 00:22:26,870 I'm better informed than you, probably. 401 00:22:27,530 --> 00:22:28,790 Never mind the newspapers. 402 00:22:29,050 --> 00:22:30,050 I read books. 403 00:22:30,530 --> 00:22:31,530 Lots of books. 404 00:22:31,890 --> 00:22:32,890 Yeah, I know, I know. 405 00:22:33,150 --> 00:22:35,010 You always liked the book, even in the old days. 406 00:22:35,590 --> 00:22:36,590 Did I? 407 00:22:38,310 --> 00:22:41,210 Uh, where, um... Where are you thinking of living, Ernie? 408 00:22:42,050 --> 00:22:43,050 Got any ideas? 409 00:22:44,019 --> 00:22:48,180 Oh, flats on Velly aren't to come by. Didn't you have a sister down Croydon 410 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:49,400 How do I know? 411 00:22:49,540 --> 00:22:52,800 I haven't seen her since my old mother's funeral in 1962. 412 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:54,600 God bless her. 413 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:55,720 No other relatives? 414 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:57,860 Look, Arthur, I might ask you for lodging. 415 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:03,260 Ernie, please. My home is your home. The thing is, it's a tiny little flat. 416 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:04,840 Kids growing up, you know. 417 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:06,280 Sure. 418 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,140 Pretty you didn't have kids, didn't you? 419 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,480 It'd be nice if you had a daughter with a place in the country. 420 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:13,580 Yes. Well, I haven't. 421 00:23:14,460 --> 00:23:17,860 See, the thing is, I haven't told her indoors about you staying. 422 00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:19,360 Forget it. 423 00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,100 They're you, whatever your name is. 424 00:23:24,660 --> 00:23:26,540 Terry. Yeah, Terry. 425 00:23:26,980 --> 00:23:29,920 Bring the cape. 426 00:23:41,770 --> 00:23:42,930 Nice manner, this, isn't it? 427 00:23:43,530 --> 00:23:44,530 Yeah. 428 00:23:46,950 --> 00:23:47,950 No. 429 00:23:48,210 --> 00:23:52,090 I think I'll stay in a big hotel, something fresh and comfortable. Oh, 430 00:23:52,090 --> 00:23:53,630 nice. And you've earned it. 431 00:23:53,930 --> 00:23:55,550 And you've got the money, I imagine. 432 00:23:56,430 --> 00:23:57,430 I've got plenty. 433 00:23:57,730 --> 00:23:58,770 Don't worry about me. 434 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,540 Now, Cyril, Cyril, Cyril, listen to me. Look, look, look, look, Cyril, Cyril, 435 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:58,560 listen to me, Cyril. 436 00:24:59,300 --> 00:25:00,300 What? 437 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:02,040 Yeah. 438 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,200 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, all right. But if not, you are going to get 439 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,060 11 and a half stone of terry on your head. 440 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,320 Well, I'm here, aren't I? Where else can I go? 441 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:13,800 Cyril. 442 00:25:14,620 --> 00:25:18,020 Well, it's all happening, you see. He's having a word with his representative at 443 00:25:18,020 --> 00:25:18,619 the airport. 444 00:25:18,620 --> 00:25:19,620 His representative? 445 00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:21,120 I know who that is. 446 00:25:21,420 --> 00:25:22,420 It's his brother. 447 00:25:22,540 --> 00:25:23,540 Drives the cab. 448 00:25:23,820 --> 00:25:27,200 He picks poor, unsuspecting punters up from Heathrow, takes them via 449 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:31,020 Northampton, drops them off at Staple's Corner, and tells them it's the middle 450 00:25:31,020 --> 00:25:32,020 of the West End. 451 00:25:32,900 --> 00:25:33,900 What are you doing? 452 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:35,520 Watch. 453 00:25:36,820 --> 00:25:37,820 Oh, 454 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:38,940 what about that? 455 00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:43,240 Ah, that's lovely, isn't it? Who's the little genius then, eh? Worth every 456 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,240 of nine pounds. 457 00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:45,500 Ah! 458 00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:47,460 Oh, good. 459 00:25:48,220 --> 00:25:50,820 Oh, for Daly, the Prince of Darkness. Oh, call the phone. 460 00:25:52,189 --> 00:25:53,210 Oh, cool down. 461 00:25:54,170 --> 00:25:55,250 I've got some candles. 462 00:25:55,490 --> 00:25:57,910 Well, get them, get them. And get that phone. It's important. 463 00:25:58,230 --> 00:25:59,270 It could be for you, isn't it? 464 00:25:59,550 --> 00:26:01,790 That was her endorse. I know her ring anywhere. 465 00:26:12,350 --> 00:26:13,350 Cosy, isn't it? 466 00:26:13,690 --> 00:26:14,690 Eerie, you mean. 467 00:26:22,740 --> 00:26:26,080 What? It's all right, it's quite standard. Just a discreet way of 468 00:26:26,380 --> 00:26:27,380 that's all. 469 00:26:27,660 --> 00:26:28,660 Oi, oi, oi, you! 470 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,840 How long's this cousin of yours been brown -bred? Terry! 471 00:26:32,900 --> 00:26:34,320 Well, it could be unhealthy, couldn't it? 472 00:26:34,580 --> 00:26:37,280 Well, actually, the body was embalmed at the port of port. 473 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:38,880 Well, that's a relief. 474 00:26:39,460 --> 00:26:42,260 If you could just give me a hand to load it up. 475 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,340 Yeah, well, we're going to have to move the transit, aren't we? The key's in it. 476 00:26:45,620 --> 00:26:48,520 Terry, Terry, I'll do that. You help Mr Meadhurst. 477 00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:02,280 All right, that'll do you. All right, all right, hold on. 478 00:27:05,140 --> 00:27:06,140 It'll be heavy. 479 00:27:06,980 --> 00:27:08,040 It's a dead weight, isn't it? 480 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,160 Open the doors. 481 00:27:17,500 --> 00:27:19,660 Quiet. Give it a shove and it'll slide. 482 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:20,980 Inside, right. Oh, my God! 483 00:27:21,740 --> 00:27:22,740 Oh, fuck! 484 00:27:25,410 --> 00:27:26,189 Sorry, mate. 485 00:27:26,190 --> 00:27:27,190 It's all right. 486 00:27:27,590 --> 00:27:28,590 Not you, him. 487 00:28:45,620 --> 00:28:46,620 Hello? 488 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,440 Hello? 489 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,740 The fuse is wrong for a start. 490 00:29:05,380 --> 00:29:06,279 Look at him. 491 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:07,820 1 -0 level for woodwork. 492 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:09,960 Well, that was on a split decision. 493 00:29:10,900 --> 00:29:12,580 I know what a standby is, though, don't I? 494 00:29:12,900 --> 00:29:14,680 Do you hear that? My so -called friend. 495 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,600 Here I am in the middle of a crisis, trying to schlep my dear ones across the 496 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:22,960 Atlantic so that her indoors can see Joan Collins in safe ways, and all I'll 497 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:23,960 is mockery. 498 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,740 You don't understand stable family bonds. 499 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:30,140 Well, he was in here with the right sort the other night. I'll bet she had a 500 00:29:30,140 --> 00:29:31,360 family. Yeah, no doubt. 501 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,300 Son and daughter, husband as well, I should think. 502 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,340 Christmas is a bad time for erstwhile lovers. 503 00:29:37,140 --> 00:29:38,680 Ain't so good for you either, is it? 504 00:29:48,980 --> 00:29:50,840 Okay. All right. Nice to see you. 505 00:29:51,140 --> 00:29:52,140 Hello, sailor. 506 00:29:52,260 --> 00:29:53,460 Who the bloody hell is this? 507 00:29:53,660 --> 00:29:54,780 Don't worry. Look, this is your man. 508 00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:56,580 800 quid for a ride in this. 509 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,480 We're only ironing it, you know, not buying it. You can take the notice. He's 510 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:00,079 all right. 511 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:01,080 Is that lot with you? 512 00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:03,280 Oh, my God. 513 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:05,260 I might have get... Come on. 514 00:30:31,610 --> 00:30:32,610 Hey! 515 00:30:38,770 --> 00:30:39,530 Man 516 00:30:39,530 --> 00:30:46,390 over, 517 00:30:46,530 --> 00:30:47,530 fool! 518 00:30:48,750 --> 00:30:49,810 Why don't you want to join him? Go on. 519 00:30:50,410 --> 00:30:50,750 Cast 520 00:30:50,750 --> 00:30:59,610 off, 521 00:30:59,650 --> 00:31:00,750 Arthur. Do what? 522 00:31:01,010 --> 00:31:02,010 Give us a push. 523 00:31:07,710 --> 00:31:09,770 Come on, Arthur, give us a push, for God's sake. 524 00:31:09,970 --> 00:31:10,970 I am pushing. 525 00:31:19,780 --> 00:31:20,780 Watch your head, dear. 526 00:31:21,780 --> 00:31:22,780 Oh, come on, Arthur. 527 00:31:26,340 --> 00:31:27,340 Help me. 528 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:28,600 Help me, friend. 529 00:31:28,620 --> 00:31:29,620 It's worrisome. 530 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,520 I'll get bloody food poisoning. 531 00:31:33,500 --> 00:31:36,860 That'll make my water wet. Well, fellas, it was nice while it lasted. 532 00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:38,740 That's the little way to go, fellas. 533 00:31:39,100 --> 00:31:40,140 Yeah, turn around, Jacko. 534 00:31:40,460 --> 00:31:41,460 See you, Jack. 535 00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:42,500 Have a good trip. 536 00:32:30,860 --> 00:32:31,860 Stop my music! 537 00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,040 What did you do that for? Well, you locked me out. 538 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,220 I told you I was locking up, didn't I? 539 00:32:36,660 --> 00:32:37,660 Bastard. 540 00:32:37,900 --> 00:32:40,540 You've been pouring that stuff down your throat all night. Well, what do you 541 00:32:40,540 --> 00:32:45,340 care? I care when you start smashing up the house. Oh, yeah, the house. It 542 00:32:45,340 --> 00:32:48,340 doesn't matter if I'm dead or alive, as long as the flaming house is all neat 543 00:32:48,340 --> 00:32:49,079 and tidy. 544 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:53,120 You're as bad as my bleeding brother, you are. Get that loud Derek out the 545 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:56,700 before he does something disgusting on the X -Men stuff. I've heard it all 546 00:32:56,700 --> 00:33:00,300 before. Oh, he wouldn't stand for all that self -pity bullshit either, eh? 547 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,720 I like the sound of it more and more. You bastard. 548 00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:05,040 Oi! 549 00:33:08,460 --> 00:33:11,940 You smash anything else in this house, Sunbeam, I'm going to put you to sleep. 550 00:33:11,940 --> 00:33:13,240 don't benefit from your game. 551 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:15,140 Death to music. 552 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:16,740 No, no, no, no, no, no. 553 00:33:30,490 --> 00:33:32,170 I'm gonna have to get advice about you. 554 00:34:05,390 --> 00:34:06,390 Thank God for that. 555 00:34:06,830 --> 00:34:08,310 Now, don't turn them fairy lights on. 556 00:34:08,750 --> 00:34:10,870 Why, do you want to do it? I'm waiting for a call, aren't I? 557 00:34:11,550 --> 00:34:13,850 When was the last time you had this place very wide? 558 00:34:14,090 --> 00:34:15,330 Oh, I don't know. Years ago. 559 00:34:16,150 --> 00:34:17,129 Really, Dave? 560 00:34:17,130 --> 00:34:19,270 Oh. Well, as it happens, I know a very good man. 561 00:34:19,630 --> 00:34:22,449 I mean, being Christmas and an emergency, of course, the rates will be 562 00:34:22,449 --> 00:34:23,690 higher, but I'll give him a bell. 563 00:34:24,030 --> 00:34:25,030 First -class man. 564 00:34:25,110 --> 00:34:27,110 And as we're friends, we won't say anything about VAT. 565 00:34:27,389 --> 00:34:28,429 Don't listen to him, Dave. 566 00:34:28,730 --> 00:34:30,570 You'll have electricians, carpenters... 567 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,940 carpet layers, plasterers, and they'll all be me. 568 00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:34,920 Yeah, well, thanks, Arthur, but no thanks. 569 00:34:35,179 --> 00:34:37,760 Well, I'm only thinking of you. I mean, you know, fire hazard, snooping from the 570 00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,719 council. You are all right for insurance, are you? 571 00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,380 Yeah, yes, that is all in order. You thought it was Christmas, didn't you? 572 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:43,600 Suddenly it's Doomsday. 573 00:34:44,420 --> 00:34:46,199 You are all right for the Black Plague, aren't you? 574 00:34:47,380 --> 00:34:50,699 Well, I suppose the first thing is to choose a foreman. 575 00:34:51,179 --> 00:34:53,560 Yes, that is the usual, normal procedure. 576 00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:56,320 How are you, mate? 577 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,660 What about you, Arthur? I mean, you seem to have some idea, you know, the way 578 00:35:02,660 --> 00:35:06,060 you handled it over there. I mean, why don't you do it? Oh, I don't know. 579 00:35:06,380 --> 00:35:09,860 Oh, all right, all right. As a matter of fact, I do have a certain working 580 00:35:09,860 --> 00:35:10,860 knowledge of the law. 581 00:35:11,140 --> 00:35:12,380 No one objects, do they? 582 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:15,460 No, no, no, let's just get on with it, shall we? 583 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:17,860 Well, what's the procedure? 584 00:35:18,100 --> 00:35:19,480 Do we just vote or what? 585 00:35:20,140 --> 00:35:21,140 Just vote? 586 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,440 Well, the man's clearly guilty. You've only got to look at his face. 587 00:35:24,940 --> 00:35:26,260 Madam, with respect... 588 00:35:26,570 --> 00:35:29,930 A man's boat is hardly a reasonable foundation on which to base a 589 00:35:30,250 --> 00:35:31,250 Bloody riot. 590 00:35:32,030 --> 00:35:33,130 What is boat? 591 00:35:33,530 --> 00:35:34,970 I do not understand. 592 00:35:35,270 --> 00:35:36,270 Boat race, madam. 593 00:35:36,390 --> 00:35:38,290 Look, let me just say this. 594 00:35:38,670 --> 00:35:44,170 As the duly elected foreman of this jury, I need hardly remind you that it 595 00:35:44,170 --> 00:35:50,530 our sworn duty to weigh the evidence, balance the scales of justice, free 596 00:35:50,530 --> 00:35:54,490 ourselves from the constraints of prejudice and blind emotion. 597 00:35:55,130 --> 00:35:58,870 and arrive at a true and honest verdict in accordance with the facts. 598 00:36:00,050 --> 00:36:01,050 Thank you. 599 00:36:04,170 --> 00:36:08,190 I think the guy was lying to him, T. But it's cool. 600 00:36:08,430 --> 00:36:09,550 We all dig, right? 601 00:36:10,390 --> 00:36:15,430 So, I feel say we should have grooved in with the foreman here and give him the 602 00:36:15,430 --> 00:36:17,190 benefit. What do you say, sister? 603 00:36:18,110 --> 00:36:20,550 That's right. I mean, you've got to play the white man, don't you? 604 00:36:22,530 --> 00:36:23,850 But ask yourself this. 605 00:36:26,220 --> 00:36:28,220 Dare we do that here? 606 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:33,140 In the very nucleus, the heart of British justice. 607 00:36:34,180 --> 00:36:35,420 The jury room. 608 00:36:37,940 --> 00:36:39,080 I think not. 609 00:36:41,580 --> 00:36:46,160 Out there is a fellow human being whose very future hangs on our decision. 610 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:51,040 Not to mention his own mum who's dependent on him. It is frightening. 611 00:36:51,220 --> 00:36:53,580 Frightening. But it is a challenge. 612 00:36:53,860 --> 00:36:55,600 And I know you will all... 613 00:36:56,170 --> 00:37:00,590 Be with me when I say it is a challenge we must not shirk. 614 00:37:03,150 --> 00:37:05,870 Ready? I still don't think you should risk it. Shut up. 615 00:37:06,190 --> 00:37:07,190 Go on, give it a go. 616 00:37:10,670 --> 00:37:12,770 There you are. Nothing wrong with them lights. 617 00:37:12,990 --> 00:37:13,990 Good as gold. 618 00:37:14,170 --> 00:37:16,030 Well, I'm well pleased about seeing what they cost me. 619 00:37:16,730 --> 00:37:17,609 War office. 620 00:37:17,610 --> 00:37:18,610 Terry. 621 00:37:18,970 --> 00:37:19,970 Hello. 622 00:37:20,130 --> 00:37:22,070 No, no, of course it's my dear. It was Terry being silly. 623 00:37:22,690 --> 00:37:24,010 Now, look, I've been talking to Cyril. 624 00:37:26,030 --> 00:37:27,550 Ah, well, there you are, you see. 625 00:37:28,550 --> 00:37:30,370 I told you I'm well known with Pananam. 626 00:37:31,630 --> 00:37:32,650 You wanted how much? 627 00:37:34,070 --> 00:37:35,070 I see. 628 00:37:36,030 --> 00:37:37,310 All right, dear, have a nice time. 629 00:37:38,650 --> 00:37:39,650 What do you mean, typical? 630 00:37:40,630 --> 00:37:44,230 No, no, no, no, don't you worry about me. You just get on the plane. Have a 631 00:37:44,230 --> 00:37:46,110 time. You have a nice flight. Bye -bye, dear. 632 00:37:48,110 --> 00:37:50,770 Thereon, that little Seals brother knocked her for a hundred notes. 633 00:37:51,190 --> 00:37:52,910 That must be a great relief to you, Arthur. 634 00:37:53,650 --> 00:37:54,890 Stealing money out of my pocket. 635 00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:57,420 Yeah, but you've saved on presents, haven't you? Having the family away. 636 00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:59,020 That's a cheap jibe, Terence. 637 00:37:59,260 --> 00:38:02,100 I wouldn't give you an expensive one, would I? What is the matter with him? I 638 00:38:02,100 --> 00:38:03,420 pay my way, don't I? Do what? 639 00:38:03,700 --> 00:38:05,840 Well, you'll get a present every yuletide. Oh, yeah. Yeah. 640 00:38:06,460 --> 00:38:07,580 An electric toothbrush. 641 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:09,660 I've had one every year for six years. 642 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:11,540 That's where the wife got it from. 643 00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:15,740 Yeah. Six years ago, he got too gross of them. Flood damage. Fire. 644 00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:17,600 Pestilence, for all I know. 645 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,420 They go on and off like those fairy lights. This boy's obsessed with 646 00:38:21,420 --> 00:38:24,240 appliances. You know something else, don't you? You should have been nicked. 647 00:38:24,650 --> 00:38:26,710 You know something else. You know more about that than I would. 648 00:38:30,930 --> 00:38:31,950 I've got the top one, haven't I? 649 00:38:32,350 --> 00:38:33,350 Looks like it, don't it? 650 00:38:34,030 --> 00:38:36,110 It's OK by me. I've got plenty of practice. 651 00:38:36,910 --> 00:38:38,130 I've just done a five in Durham. 652 00:38:38,890 --> 00:38:39,890 Only out two weeks. 653 00:38:40,850 --> 00:38:42,210 Bastards down here, they don't give you a chance. 654 00:38:43,090 --> 00:38:44,090 Attempted robbery, they said. 655 00:38:45,250 --> 00:38:47,810 Black and blue all over. They gave me a right kicking on the way in. 656 00:38:48,350 --> 00:38:49,350 Stuff them. 657 00:38:49,410 --> 00:38:50,590 I say, stuff them. 658 00:38:52,250 --> 00:38:53,250 What are you in for yourself? 659 00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:54,640 Not a lot. 660 00:38:57,540 --> 00:38:58,620 I've been everywhere myself. 661 00:38:59,300 --> 00:39:00,300 Maidenhead, Hall. 662 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:02,400 I've even been up in Peterhead. 663 00:39:03,020 --> 00:39:04,840 I've done pottery and carpet weaving up there. 664 00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:06,300 And they nicked you for it. 665 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:08,720 No, inside. 666 00:39:09,620 --> 00:39:10,620 Occupational therapy. 667 00:39:12,020 --> 00:39:13,360 Bloody cold up there, you know. 668 00:39:17,180 --> 00:39:18,540 You don't say much, do you? 669 00:39:19,580 --> 00:39:21,060 Don't get a lot of chance with you. 670 00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:23,840 Don't mind me. I'm an outgoing sort of fella. 671 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:25,640 I like getting on with people and that. 672 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:27,560 What's that there? 673 00:39:27,720 --> 00:39:28,780 Oh, shit, I am. 674 00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:34,760 But, like, you, you seem worried. 675 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:36,300 You know, depressed. 676 00:39:38,260 --> 00:39:39,260 First time in, is it? 677 00:39:40,660 --> 00:39:41,660 Don't worry. 678 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:43,240 Get it off my chest. 679 00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:44,820 Yeah, why not? Best way. 680 00:39:45,940 --> 00:39:46,940 What do they call you? 681 00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:49,860 They call me Colin. 682 00:39:50,460 --> 00:39:51,460 Big call, usually. 683 00:39:51,850 --> 00:39:52,850 Yeah, I know you. 684 00:39:52,970 --> 00:39:53,649 You do? 685 00:39:53,650 --> 00:39:54,569 You've heard of me? 686 00:39:54,570 --> 00:39:55,570 Oh, yeah, yeah. 687 00:39:56,270 --> 00:39:57,850 Probably end up my best pal, won't you? 688 00:39:58,650 --> 00:40:02,070 Then in a fit of depression and remorse, I'll tell you my life story, what I've 689 00:40:02,070 --> 00:40:03,070 done, how I did it. 690 00:40:03,650 --> 00:40:06,810 And the next time I see you, I'll be in the witness box swearing my life away. 691 00:40:07,370 --> 00:40:09,750 Hey, you've got it all wrong. 692 00:40:10,790 --> 00:40:11,950 I just want to be your friend. 693 00:40:12,410 --> 00:40:13,410 Great. 694 00:40:13,550 --> 00:40:15,230 But I've had enough of friends for today. 695 00:40:15,790 --> 00:40:16,790 OK. 696 00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:28,178 Sorry, sir. 697 00:40:28,180 --> 00:40:29,180 Busy night. 698 00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:38,120 Oh, my good God, no. 699 00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:39,700 Arthur Daly. 700 00:40:40,340 --> 00:40:42,380 This is a real privilege, I mean. 701 00:40:42,660 --> 00:40:43,680 Arthur Daly. 702 00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:44,960 Don't give me all that. 703 00:40:46,260 --> 00:40:48,120 You are privileged, as it happens. 704 00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:49,720 But I know why. 705 00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:52,420 Oh, dear. Old people. 706 00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:54,100 The ferret. 707 00:40:54,650 --> 00:40:56,790 I hate that name. Why do they call me that? 708 00:40:57,290 --> 00:40:58,450 You ever look in a mirror? 709 00:40:59,190 --> 00:41:00,330 Don't they ever learn? 710 00:41:01,330 --> 00:41:04,830 Look, if I'm guilty, which I'm not, do they really think I'd tell you anything? 711 00:41:06,230 --> 00:41:10,910 You can depend on me, Arthur. You? 712 00:41:11,310 --> 00:41:13,130 You've got more grass than Kew Gardens. 713 00:41:13,470 --> 00:41:14,470 Me, Arthur? Never. 714 00:41:14,970 --> 00:41:16,190 On my mother's eyesight. 715 00:41:16,770 --> 00:41:20,270 She's dead. I was at the funeral nine years ago, and you wasn't there. 716 00:41:20,690 --> 00:41:21,790 They wouldn't let me out. 717 00:41:23,050 --> 00:41:24,950 I did a run -up when me dad was married. 718 00:41:25,290 --> 00:41:26,290 No, 719 00:41:26,570 --> 00:41:27,630 sit somewhere else. 720 00:41:33,830 --> 00:41:34,930 I had enough. 721 00:41:35,250 --> 00:41:40,210 I got arrested by a dog. 722 00:41:40,610 --> 00:41:41,610 On his own? 723 00:41:41,850 --> 00:41:43,050 They're clever, aren't they? 724 00:41:43,610 --> 00:41:45,690 Three law, but it was down on a dog. 725 00:41:47,130 --> 00:41:49,270 You are just a simple recidivist. 726 00:41:49,690 --> 00:41:50,690 Oh, no. 727 00:41:50,930 --> 00:41:52,090 I'm inadequate. 728 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:53,940 Well, don't be so proud of it. 729 00:41:54,220 --> 00:41:55,460 Let me tell you what to say. 730 00:41:56,700 --> 00:41:58,880 I'm surprised to see you here. 731 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:01,420 Well, I am here. 732 00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:03,920 I've always respected you, Arthur. 733 00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:09,720 Yeah? Always a respected man in a manner. 734 00:42:10,020 --> 00:42:11,540 Hard. Yeah? 735 00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:18,120 Oh, you're no doubt a very hard man in business. Everybody knows that. That's 736 00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,400 why you've come such a long way. 737 00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:22,320 Yeah, that's very true, Ferdinand. 738 00:42:22,570 --> 00:42:23,549 No, Billy. 739 00:42:23,550 --> 00:42:26,910 Don't get me wrong when I say hard, not physical. 740 00:42:28,450 --> 00:42:32,010 You've got Terry, and he's as hard as you can get. 741 00:42:32,410 --> 00:42:34,210 Yeah, where was he when I needed him? 742 00:42:34,650 --> 00:42:35,710 That's what I thought. 743 00:42:37,270 --> 00:42:43,230 Eh? I don't think Terry's done something. 744 00:42:43,910 --> 00:42:46,530 I mean, put you in this for a bother. 745 00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:56,680 Who told you to say that? 746 00:42:57,500 --> 00:42:59,220 Not Rycott, I hope. 747 00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:05,240 No. You never concocted that theory all on your own. 748 00:43:05,540 --> 00:43:07,320 I don't know what you mean, Arthur. 749 00:43:07,820 --> 00:43:11,460 As you say, Ferry, I'm not a physical man. 750 00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:14,400 Brave rather than brawn. 751 00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:19,660 But I could make an exception in your case, give you a very nasty spanking. 752 00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,000 Sorry, no offence, Mr Daly. 753 00:43:23,820 --> 00:43:27,220 Don't mess with me, Ferry. Oh, sorry, Billy. 754 00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:32,180 She'll be up there in the great blue yonder now, Arthur. 755 00:43:33,340 --> 00:43:34,340 Yeah. 756 00:43:34,940 --> 00:43:36,460 I wonder what she left for me tea. 757 00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:41,420 Tea? When was the last time you had tea? Oh, no, it's the principal, isn't it? 758 00:43:41,540 --> 00:43:44,480 Never mind your tea. What are you doing about your Christmas dinner? 759 00:43:44,820 --> 00:43:47,180 Oh, someone will invite me. 760 00:43:55,050 --> 00:43:57,030 I'm a very self -sufficient person. 761 00:43:58,510 --> 00:44:00,970 What you mean is everyone's left you out, given you're blank. 762 00:44:01,210 --> 00:44:01,948 Yeah, yeah. 763 00:44:01,950 --> 00:44:05,130 Listen, if I got all my friends and laid them into it and they stretched from 764 00:44:05,130 --> 00:44:06,130 here to... To here. 765 00:44:07,710 --> 00:44:10,830 Now, mind you, I mean, you nearly qualify for Meals on Wheels now, don't 766 00:44:11,310 --> 00:44:12,910 Don't you worry. I'll get by, Sunshine. 767 00:44:13,870 --> 00:44:14,870 Sunshine? 768 00:44:15,510 --> 00:44:20,490 I mean, it's normally Terry or Young Terence or Tell. I never call you Tell. 769 00:44:20,710 --> 00:44:23,150 I've never understood why people call Terry's Tellies. 770 00:44:24,049 --> 00:44:25,450 Well, except the Chinese tell. 771 00:44:26,870 --> 00:44:27,870 No, 772 00:44:28,150 --> 00:44:29,150 don't worry, I won't leave you out. 773 00:44:29,850 --> 00:44:32,330 Mind you, you're going to have to share your turkey and your cracker with a bird 774 00:44:32,330 --> 00:44:32,948 on it. 775 00:44:32,950 --> 00:44:33,950 Done on that, do you? 776 00:44:34,390 --> 00:44:35,650 What, your converted squat? 777 00:44:36,290 --> 00:44:39,490 No, no, don't you worry about me. I don't need anyone to help me pull my 778 00:44:39,490 --> 00:44:41,770 cracker. I bet you do, pal. 779 00:44:53,740 --> 00:44:54,740 McCann! 780 00:45:44,650 --> 00:45:45,650 Read the statistics. 781 00:45:45,730 --> 00:45:46,730 Heart attacks. 782 00:45:47,290 --> 00:45:49,170 You drop dead, Arthur, what do they find? 783 00:45:49,690 --> 00:45:51,070 Just another old jogger. 784 00:45:54,150 --> 00:45:55,290 The money, Arthur. 785 00:45:55,910 --> 00:45:56,930 Don't know. 786 00:45:57,290 --> 00:45:58,290 Then run. 787 00:46:00,470 --> 00:46:02,050 You've been abused with your body. 788 00:46:02,390 --> 00:46:03,390 You're killing me. 789 00:46:03,490 --> 00:46:04,730 And I don't know. 790 00:46:09,430 --> 00:46:11,190 Nice, big, deep breaths. 791 00:46:11,710 --> 00:46:12,870 And you can tell me. 792 00:46:33,270 --> 00:46:35,150 Quite what a little exercise could do for you, innit? 793 00:46:35,990 --> 00:46:36,990 Innit, just. 794 00:46:51,930 --> 00:46:53,530 What are you 795 00:46:53,530 --> 00:47:00,710 going 796 00:47:00,710 --> 00:47:01,710 to count it, then? 797 00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:02,880 No, Terry, no. 798 00:47:03,740 --> 00:47:04,980 No, you've got it on his face. 799 00:47:09,300 --> 00:47:10,420 Leave it out, Stuart. 800 00:47:11,500 --> 00:47:12,500 He'll slaughter you. 801 00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:21,820 Come on, mate. You're all right. Come on. I'll be careful. 802 00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:23,320 Come on. 803 00:47:24,460 --> 00:47:25,460 That's it. 804 00:47:27,220 --> 00:47:29,160 Terry, I'm a goner. 805 00:47:30,500 --> 00:47:31,500 Watch. 806 00:47:31,870 --> 00:47:32,930 You have to watch. 807 00:47:33,650 --> 00:47:35,630 Look after her indoors. 808 00:47:36,670 --> 00:47:40,330 Don't tell her too much. Come on, you're all right. Get your feet on your 809 00:47:40,330 --> 00:47:41,330 plates. Come on, that's it. 810 00:47:41,950 --> 00:47:43,950 Good deep breaths. Come on, come on. 811 00:47:45,590 --> 00:47:48,670 In a minute, I'm going. 812 00:47:49,590 --> 00:47:51,890 I need a kiss of life. 813 00:47:53,570 --> 00:47:54,890 I'm sorry about that, mate. 814 00:47:55,670 --> 00:47:56,990 Listen, have a cigar, eh? 815 00:48:05,580 --> 00:48:06,580 Yeah, mate. 816 00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:08,300 Where would we be without them, eh? 817 00:48:09,500 --> 00:48:10,500 Come on. 818 00:48:15,700 --> 00:48:16,700 Well, 819 00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:25,980 I assume you two gentlemen will grace us with your presents for a mariotti. 820 00:48:26,220 --> 00:48:29,720 Oh, not many. Best night of the year. Yeah, I've got a bit of dashing about to 821 00:48:29,720 --> 00:48:30,720 do, but I'll be back. 822 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,400 Hey, now, about this Christmas dinner. 823 00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:34,640 No, don't worry. 824 00:48:34,700 --> 00:48:36,300 My own... Home is your home. 825 00:48:36,820 --> 00:48:38,860 Yeah. Your home is my home. 826 00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:45,300 Oh, don't stall that. No, but it is my home. It is your home. You found it. I 827 00:48:45,300 --> 00:48:46,300 have to pay for it. 828 00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:47,480 What? 829 00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:49,700 Thank you for the lights. 830 00:48:50,820 --> 00:48:51,980 My pleasure, Dave. 831 00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:58,700 Merry Christmas. 832 00:49:19,980 --> 00:49:22,260 I've changed the situation 833 00:49:22,260 --> 00:49:28,800 Right people, right time 834 00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:35,540 Just the wrong location I've got 835 00:49:35,540 --> 00:49:42,480 a good idea Just you keep me near I'll be so good 836 00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:46,120 for you I could be so good for you I'm gonna 837 00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:51,680 I'll do anything for you. 838 00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:55,780 I'll be so good for you.